5 reasons to consider dating a younger man

Would you go for a guy significantly younger than you?

As someone happily partnered with a guy several years younger than me, I'm very positive about relationships where the guy is younger than the woman.

And I feel my view is somewhat validated by research on couples with a 10+ year age difference, carried out by Dr Justin Lehmiller, who found that older women partnered with younger men were more satisfied than women who were younger than their partners and also more satisfied than those who were close in age.

While the majority of heterosexual relationships occur between couples where the man is older, there are plenty of examples of the reverse – including in the celebrity world of course. Cameron Diaz is with Benji Madden, 7 years her junior (and before that it was Justin Timberlake, 9 years younger). There’s Brigitte Trogneux, a whopping 24 years older than her French president husband, Emmanuel Macron. And of course Madonna has been dating younger men for pretty much her whole life.

So I brought up this idea in our Dating Evolved Facebook Group and elicited a variety of opinions.

Several of our members said they were in relationships with younger men and loving it. One commented that she thought a younger man might work better for her as she’s got dependent kids and it could be good to have someone who is in a similar place.

But inevitably some women worry about what the ageing process does to our physical attractiveness (which doesn’t happen in the same way for men) and that men tend to be in the market for more youthful looking women.

Well, this is true to some extent and there are good biological reasons to explain it. Younger women tend to be more fertile and so men’s preferences will have evolved to be attracted to young and healthy women.

But of course men vary hugely in what they’re looking for, and it could be argued that the men most likely to put a premium on youth in their partners could be the dominant, competitive, even narcissistic types with big egos, and men who have a habit of objectifying women. Men who are more agreeable, more respectful, are more interested in finding an intelligent, interesting woman with a great personality – these men will be the ones who may be more likely to be interested in a relationship with an older woman.

There’s also a sense in which the biological imperative isn’t such a big deal when we get into post-reproductive territory: 

For younger women, going for a guy who’s significantly younger than they are can present a problem if they’re planning to have kids, since women’s fertility goes downhill at a younger age than men’s. But for peri/post menopausal women, that option is clearly off the table anyway, so age difference stops being an issue.

Convinced yet? If you’re still having doubts around the idea that a younger man would be interested in you, I’d like to tell you about a report from the online dating site OkCupid.

According to this research, the majority of “successful” conversations – where there are at least 4 messages back and forth with contact exchange – do indeed take place between an older man and a younger woman (61%). But most of these conversations are started by men. 

It turns out that when women decide to make the first move and message men, they’re MORE likely to get a response from younger men than they are from older ones! 

“A 30-year-old man is more likely to respond to a message from a 50-year-old woman than a message from any other age group!”, says Dale Markowitz in this article on Medium.

And if you’re in your 50s and want to message 20-something men then apparently you’ll “kill it”, although I’m guessing these 20-something men are unlikely to be looking for long-term committed relationships. All depends on what you’re in the market for…

But looking at these findings overall, there seems to be a positive case for making the first move with younger men.

So now we get to 5 reasons why you might consider doing just that:

1. The first thing is the most obvious one: Younger men are more likely to be fit and healthy and not need a zimmer frame in the next 5 years. They’ll likely have more sexual stamina, and more physical strength and stamina in general. If you’re an energetic lady that doesn’t want to be held back, then this is for you! 

And given that women have a greater life expectancy than men, going for a younger guy will decrease the chances of being left high and dry further down the line.
 

2. There are more of them. The younger guys, that is. In a growing population (as has been the case in UK and US), there will be more men in younger age brackets than yours than in older ones. Add to that the fact that some people die along the way (and as already noted, men tend to die earlier than women) and this leads to the fact that there will be more GenX and Millenial men around to choose from than Boomer men. Scarcity brings a sense of advantage in dating (for those who are in the short supply category) and this can explain at least a little bit of the entitlement that older men often exhibit.

3. Younger men will be more likely to have embraced modern attitudes around gender roles and diversity as they'll have been exposed to these for a bigger proportion of their lives. This is going to be a matter of taste and where your own values on this lie, but if you like a more egalitarian and flexible relationship, younger men are worth considering.

4. In the research mentioned at the outset, Justin Lehmiller speculates that an age gap  where the woman is older might shift the power dynamic to greater equality. But, he says: 

“It might also be that these relationships create a feeling of empowerment among women—and perhaps that empowerment allows women to get more of what they want”.

It makes sense…

5. It could be especially helpful to go for younger men if you’re senior in a work capacity and are earning big bucks. You might be used to men being put off by your status and superior bankability, but younger men are more likely to be comfortable with your awesomeness because you’re at different life stages. Younger men have an excuse for not being as advanced in their career or earning capacity as you and won’t be as likely as older men to get tripped up by their egos.

So, I’m not suggesting that we all insist on partnering with a guy who’s significantly younger than us, but I do think it’s worth seeing as an option.

A relationship with a younger man is probably more attainable than you think – especially if you’re prepared to make the first move (NB. I made the first move with my guy…), and you might be very glad you did!

Do leave a comment and let us know what you think!

Much love,

Mairi

PS. If you're ready to get going with finding your good man for a great relationship, feel free to book a complementary call with me and we can discuss how I can help :)