The downside of going for a super-attractive guy

When we’re perusing men on dating apps, or checking out the talent at a singles event, the first thing we’ll tend to focus on is how a guy looks – and that tends to have a pretty big influence on whether or not we’re open to getting to know him.

But it’s worth bearing in mind, that a guy’s physical attractiveness isn’t a good indicator of his value as a partner (I know you know this but you might need to remind yourself!) and there are several downsides to going for a good-looking guy.

For one thing, he benefits unfairly from the “halo effect”. This is our tendency to ascribe positive attributes to beautiful people. We tend to imagine they’re nicer, kinder, more honest, and more intelligent than those less easy on the eye. Because of the “beauty bias”, good-looking people find it easier to get jobs, are awarded higher marks in exams, and are more likely to be judged “not guilty” in court.

This psychological tendency we all have means that your handsome man might turn out to not actually be as great as he looks.

And of course, you’re not the only one who’s noticed how gorgeous he is. Lots of other women want him too, so you’ve got competition on your hands.

A man who has many options on the mating market has, by definition, high “mate value”. And this means that even if you snag him – while you might feel like the cat who got the cream – he’s unlikely to value you in the way you’d like.

There’s even experimental evidence that good-looking men are not so nice, on average.

The research was done by psychologist Michael Price and his colleagues at Brunel University in London, and they scored 125 study participants on a number of attractiveness measures.

The participants also filled out a personality questionnaire which measured their behaviour and attitudes about inequality and selfishness, and they took part in an economics experiment in which they received real money and decided how much to share with someone else.

The researchers found that attractive men tended to be less egalitarian and less generous. The same trend has been found with wealthy men too.

The correlation wasn’t perfect and so obviously there will be some good looking men who are nice and generous, but there seems to be a thing going on here.

The correlation doesn’t say anything about why the relationship exists, but the researchers suggest that for one thing, good looking, and wealthy men have less to gain by being egalitarian and generous - they want to keep the status quo.

But it’s also the case that good looking men will know that they’re sought after, that they have plenty of options on the dating front, and so they know they don’t have to try very hard.

I’m not suggesting that you could never be happy in a relationship with a good-looking guy. If you also have high mate-value and/or are uniquely attractive to such a man and he falls in love with you – and you with him - then naturally it could work.

I’m also not suggesting that you ever settle for someone you find physically repugnant of course! There needs to be at least a little physical attraction.

But the point is, the partner qualities that will give you a happy lasting relationship – great personality, shared values, kindness and consideration, aren’t necessarily found in super-good-looking men.

And it’s really worth bearing in mind the research that shows that if we like someone, we like their sense of humour, their personality and their values, and we have time to get to know them, we come to find them physically more attractive.

But you’ll need to actually give the guy a bit of time to grow on you.

I’ve seen this “slow-burn” strategy win out, over and over again – check out our Client Stories for examples of how this works!

And when you get to that loved-up stage – in your eyes, your guy will be the most gorgeous man on the planet!